Waiting For Ava

“But these things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day.” Habakkuk 2:3

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Too Good to be True...Story of my Life

Thanks to the Swine Flu China has put a hold on any referrals or travel approvals for at least 20-30 days. Typical. I don't know what else to say but...FUCK!!!!!!!!

Sunday, April 26, 2009


Now at least 2 agencies are expecting the 14th as the cut off! Rumour Queen has upped the rumour to an R2. Highest rating I believe is an R5. Still not a strong rumour but hey it's in our favour.

Celebrate good times...Come on!

I think I will email our adoption practitioner to let her know we will be calling soon and I think I will email our agency contact to see what we should expect if this does turn out to be true.
Maybe she can let me know if they have any information about the cut-off.
Keep everything crossed for us people! This might be it!

Friday, April 24, 2009


Come on R1. Please let it be true. A possible cut off of March 14,2006. I am so excited right now. My brain is telling me to calm down because it is so early into the rumours for next months referrals but my heart is running away with things right now. If you were in our shoes right now you would understand how we could get so excited over a rumour. I've seen it in past months where an early rumour like this one day after day becomes more true than false. I hope this one turns into an R4 rumour before we know it. We could be getting a call from Children's Bridge within the next two weeks. We could actually have a picture of Ava within the next two weeks. Holy cow. Our wait could be over. Come on R1.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

This Could Be It

The rumours have started up again. Matching has begun. This is going to be a tough couple of weeks. We could actually be in this round of referrals. All we need is for the CCAA to go through six days worth of files. Just six days. I know that it is a slim chance but I can't help but hope that they will do it. A May referral would mean that we would possibly be travelling in July to pick up Ava. Hold on Ava were coming. I think that there are going to be quite a few sleepless nights in our near future. Before and after our China trip. Not that I'm complaining because I'm not. Just anxious. Anxious to have this roller coaster ride over with.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The Most Important Post Ever!

Attachment is never an easy road. Ava will have a difficult time trusting us. We want you to know that we will be putting Ava's needs ahead of every one else. Ava needs to bond with us as her parents before forming any other relationship. We have been following some other blogs of people that have had a difficult time with attachment. It is heartbreaking. This is why we need to do all we can to minimize the trauma Ava goes through. It will not be easy and I don't think we can ever be prepared for what is to come but we need to go into this with our eyes open and with the tools that have been provided by the people who have gone through this before us.
The following is some great info from the website http://www.a4everfamily.org

Here is a great letter and Do's and Don'ts from the above website.
If anybody is interested we can recommend some reading about attachment and attachment disorders.

Dear Family and Friends,

As we prepare for the arrival of our daughter, we have learned that while decorating the nursery and stocking up on baby essentials is important, even more important is the emotional health of our baby.
In her short life, our daughter will have gone through more changes and life altering experiences than most adults could handle. Imagine how much harder the changes will be for her. While she may not consciously remember the events, she will still experience immense loss, including feelings of grief and trauma. She's already experienced the loss of a birthmother and will soon experience the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, and language of her birth country. Her world will turn upside down. She will struggle with feeling safe and secure and she may lack the ability to trust that we will meet her needs.
We have prepared to meet her emotional needs so that she does learn that we will always take care of her and we will always keep her safe. We need your support. In order to form a strong and healthy attachment we will allow her to regress so that she has the opportunity to go through all of the emotional stages with us despite her chronological age. Although it may appear that we are spoiling her, we have been advised that it is best that we meet every need quickly and consistently. Until she has learned that we are her parents, we will need to be her primary caretakers at all times. It is essential that we always hold her, feed her, and do all of the nurturing. You may wonder how long this will take, but the timeline is different for every child. We will follow her lead and trust our instincts as her parents rather than worry about what society expects.
We have all been waiting anxiously for our daughter to arrive but she has not been waiting for us. She may show her grief and confusion in many ways and we are prepared to help her through it and prove that we are a forever family and this truly is her last stop.
Please know that
We trust that as our family and friends you will help us to do what is best for our daughter, and we thank you in advance for your support and understanding.

Mike and Terri.

Dos & Don’ts for Family & Friends


1. Offer household help (running errands, preparing meals that can go right from the freezer to the oven, etc.) so the mother can spend more time holding the child.

2. Trust the mother's instincts. Even a first time mother may notice subtle symptoms that well-meaning family and friends attribute to "normal" behavior.

3. Accept that attachment issues are difficult for anyone outside of the mother to see and understand.

4. Be supportive even if you think everything looks fine to you.

5. Allow the parents to be the center of the baby's world. One grandfather, when greeting his grandson, immediately turns him back to his mom and says positive statements about his good mommy.

6. Tell the baby every time you see him what a good/loving/safe mommy he has.

7. When the parents need someone to care for the baby for a night out, offer to babysit in the child's home. (After the child has been home for a substantial period of time.)

8. As hard as it may be for you, abide by the requests of the parents. Even if the baby looks like he really wants to be with Grandma, for example, he needs to have a strong attachment to his parents first. Something as simple as passing the baby from one person to another or allowing others, even grandparents, to hold a baby who is not "attached" can make the attachment process that much longer and harder. Some parents have had to refrain from seeing certain family members or friends because they did not respect the parents' requests.

9. Accept that parenting children who are at-risk for or who suffer from attachment issues goes against traditional parenting methods and beliefs. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.

10. Remember that there is often a honeymoon period after the child arrives. Many babies do not show signs of grief, distress, or anxiety until months after they come home. If the parents are taking precautions, they are smart and should be commended and supported!


1. Assume an infant is too young to suffer from emotional issues related to attachment. Babies are not immune.

2. Underestimate a new mother's instincts that something isn't right.

3. Judge the mother's parenting abilities. What looks like spoiling or coddling may be exactly what the child needs to overcome a serious attachment disorder. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.

4. Make excuses for the child's behaviors or try to make the mother feel better by calling certain behaviors "normal". For example, many children who suffer from attachment issues may be labeled strong-willed by well-meaning family members. While being strong-willed can be seen as a positive personality trait, this type of behavior in an attachment-impaired child may signify problems.

5. Accuse the mother of being overly sensitive or neurotic. She is in a position to see subtle symptoms as no one else can.

6. Take it personally if asked to step back so the parents can help their child heal and form a healthy and secure attachment. You may be asked not to hold the baby for more than a minute. This is not meant to hurt you. It is meant to help prove to the baby who his mommy and daddy are. Up until now the child's experience has been that mommies are replaceable. Allowing people to hold the baby before he has accepted his forever mommy and daddy are can be detrimental to the attachment process.

7. Put your own timeframes on how long attachment should take. One mother was hurt when she was chastised by a relative who couldn't understand...after all, the baby had been home six months. It could take weeks, months, even years. Every child is different.

8. Offer traditional parenting advice. Some well-meaning family members will tell a new mother not to pick the baby up every time he cries because it will spoil him. A child who is at-risk or who suffers from attachment issues must be picked up every single time he cries. He needs consistent reinforcement that this mommy/daddy will always take care of him and always keep him safe.

9. Fall into the appearance trap. Some babies/toddlers with attachment issues can put on a great show to those outside of the mother/father. What you see is not always a true picture of the child. Even babies as young as 6-months-old are capable of “putting on a good face” in public.

10. Lose hope. With the right kind of parenting and therapy, a child with attachment issues can learn to trust and have healthy relationships. But it does take a lot of work and a good understanding of what these children need.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Diaper decision done!

We have chosen to go with cloth diapers. It will shock alot of people because it will certainly be more work than disposables but cloth diapers certainly aren't what they used to be.

I am truly not the most environmentally aware person but a disposable diaper takes 500 years to degrade! That means that every disposable diaper ever used is still in a landfill and will be there for more than 400 years more!
Now we are not saying we will never use disposable. We will have to use disposables while in China. Dealing with the cloth in a hotel would pose a big challenge. And I am sure there will be a few other times that we will find disposables will be more convenient but we are committed to the cloth for the majority of the time she is in diapers. We have heard that potty training is faster in cloth. We will see.

So this is the diaper we have decided to use. It is a one size cloth diaper so it adjusts from small to large so that we will not have to purchase anymore sizes as Ava grows.

These diapers are about $25.00 a diaper and we will probably need around 24 to have a good supply for rotation. We have purchased 12 so far from http://www.parentingbynature.com/.
It seems expensive but it ends up to be much cheaper over the course of time Ava will be in diapers. They say that as an average a baby will use over $2000.00 in diapers.
Something else we will definitely be ordering is a diaper sprayer.
It hooks into your toilet water supply and when you have a poopy diaper. You take the dirty diaper to the toilet and spray it off into the toilet so it is poop free when you throw it in your diaper pail. They also say it is a great way to spray out the potty when you are training.
We heard about this one from this blog http://kelliinportland.blogspot.com/ and found it in Canada at this site http://go-greenbaby.ca/item_236/bumGenius-Diaper-Sprayer.htm.
Never in a million years would I have thought I'd be excited about diapers but we should get them Mon or Tues. It will be fun to open up the package of soft and colorful diapers.
We will post a picture when we get them!

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

A Theory

Okay. Here is my theory on how I think the CCAA goes about deciding how many days that they are going to be referring each month. If they refer up to the eighth of March this month that would mean that they are only referring two days worth of files. If you look at the list of Log in Dates on Rumour Queen you will see that there was at least thirty seven files on those two days. If they do that again next month then I think that we could be in for a larger group of referrals for the month of May. Possibly up to and including the eighteenth of March. I certainly hope for all the families involved in this crazy thing called International Adoption that the CCAA proves my theory true.
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