My heart feels like it is going to burst out of my chest with love

As we sit here playing with our new daughter I smile and I cry.

After going through the “Gotcha Day” yesterday and seeing all those babies crying and clinging to their nannies. I can't lie. Yesterday while watching other babies come in before Ava and seeing their reactions and how upset they were. I started to wonder if we were doing the right thing.

At the time, I began to wonder what kind of person I was to be willing to put a baby girl through so much pain and agony (A little girl that I have loved for the past four years.)

Last night, the only way to calm her down was to stand her on the window sill and let her look outside. She began to cry. She was saying “Momma Momma Momma” over and over again. I couldn't help but cry. There we were trying to calm down this beautiful little girl whom we have taken from her only familiar people - her nanny and her foster mom. What gives us the right?

Some information came out today that has helped ease my mind and my heart. After we got back from the Civil Affairs office yesterday we began to notice that Ava has bruises and scrapes on and around her ankles. We wondered what this was from. We got on the tour bus today and were talking to a woman in our group who is here adopting her second daughter from China. She is a nurse. We told her and showed her the bruises and scrapes and she informed us that it was probably from being shackled to a potty for long periods of time. She said not to worry because the bruises and scrapes would eventually go away. This is how potty training is done here.

After hearing that, I was okay with putting Ava through what we had the previous day. I know that neither I nor Terri would ever hurt Ava. I know that Ava will have a wonderful life with us. Don't get me wrong. I know that we will have our ups and downs as a family but nothing would ever make us hurt her.

As I am typing this post, Ava is sitting by herself playing with a toy - for the very first time. Until now we have had to hold her all the time. Up until now she would not even hold a toy in her hand. Things are getting better.

I love Terri so very much. Sitting here watching the two of them together playing my heart feels like it is going to burst out of my chest with love.

Thank you Terri, thank you for sticking by me as my wife and thank you for being the mom I have always known you would be.